They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands!And that doesn't bode well for navigating the challenges of long-term relationships once things get real: "Cinderfellas are too broken to maintain intimacy on a long-term basis, so they don't make very good partners, at least not in their current emotionally needy state."Too much neediness can destroy relationships. Nerdlove refers to neediness as "the anti-sex equation." When someone is overly clingy and demanding of your emotional energy, you lose the natural desire to pursue them—to crave them—that a little healthy distance creates (think: Shoshanna and Ray on The bigger issue with neediness is this: "When is it love and when is it filling a void? First, see if he's able to respect your "me time" away from him. Such intense focus upon one another can become detrimental to relationships with other friends and even family. A common temptation when dating is to dive head first into the relationship becoming so focused on time together that it is easy to ignore other relationships.If these are in place, you have a chance of sustainable attachment."In any relationship, "time is the truest evaluation," says Love."Given the time and opportunity, people will show us who they are and their truest motivations.
Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?
It's nothing new to be wary of dating a commitment-phobe, but now there's a red flag at the opposite end of the personality spectrum: The Insta-Boyfriend, or as Michelle Martin at the Huffington Post calls it, a "Cinderfella."This is a man who feels like a victim inside and looks for love to "rescue" him from that feeling. And they want it all by the second or third date."For many women, a grown man expressing strong feelings or making very romantic gestures after just a few weeks might be too much too soon, but for many others (especially those who have dated a commitment-phobe), a man who knows what he wants and is ready for intimacy might seem like a breath of fresh air.
Martin defines a Cinderfella as "the middle-aged single man with an insatiable hunger for intense emotional and physical intimacy. You might think, , his interest in jumping into a relationship is coming from a place of lack—a desire to fill a void. "Even for those with love stories that began with love at first sight, there followed a process and commitment required by both partners," says Ginnie Love, Ph. Once you get past the initial courtship with a guy who came on very strong very quickly, it's time to see if he's simply filling a void in his life or committed to building a mutually respectful relationship based on real love with you.
And if you had sex with a stranger in the handicap stall at a Dodger game and he’s now your husband, ALL the power to you.
But if you want more than a fling with someone, and you're realizing that every time you're intimate too soon makes things crumble into a pile of crap, it's time to zip up your jeans and get to know one another a little better. Don't have sex with someone who has only taken you to dinner once, or even twice.